I want to feel awkward about kissing you
You aren’t anything I ought to be threatened by.
Yet something about that split second of eye contact, the way I see your hair fall, the way your teeth look clean when you smile with a scrunched up face.
A familiarity turned to numbness at your touch, though I still objectify your spark- I subjectively experience a dullness inexpressible.
I want to feel awkward about kissing you- I want to feel newness, danger, possibility. But do I though, for connection and depth is what I truly value.
But perhaps the absence of all the above makes me feel this way and actually I want it all.
I want superficial, I want it for real, I want unfamiliarity and excitement, I want familiarity and comfortability.
Maybe it’s human condition to want what you don’t have, to have what you don’t feel. Is it curiosity or sociopathic?
Whatever. All of it is bullshit.
Do you just want the rawness of her,
The oxymoronic purity, of her filthy intent?
Either way. You sit on the train home wondering, feeling, purely surrendered to the elusive possibility of...what?